Setting things straight

I have to get this out there. Since talking about my feelings NEVER work (seriously?? Who the hell came up with that shit anyway??). Anyway, I LOVE MY BROTHERS. Both of them. I adore them and would not change them or give them for the world. 

However, I am tired of pretending everything is fine between us. I don't speak to my brothers, which is kind of an accomplishment seeing as i live with one of them. But fact is, they do not see me for me. When I'm with them I feel like I need to be someone else. 

I see the way Aashiq speaks to and treats Nabeela, I'm sure he'd be happier with her as a sister. But unfortunately he is stuck with me. As for Fayaad, I know he prefers Mishka. I see the way he treats her and the way he holds her and the relationship he has with her. 

And then we get to mom. She'd definitely prefer a different daughter. One that will help her in the kitchen and...well, basically one that came out of the 60's. She always compares me to other girls and wants me to be more like them. Thin like them, sweet and caring like them, gentle and graceful like them. 

Lastly we have dad. Dad that always tries to change the way I look. I feel his eyes on my body when I'm with the other girls, girls that are thinner than me. Prettier than me. And I can feel the contempt, disgust, embarrassment in his eyes.

So where does this leave me? Every body's second choice. Why don't i get to be me? Jeez. I sound whiny. Allow me to tell you a little about myself here, and you'll understand the meaning of the title. 

I live in a relatively big house, not near mansion status, but large-ish. My dad earns good money. We go on holiday, (overseas) quite regularly. We can afford basically anything I want. Money is not a problem. Also, my grades at school were quite good. Came in the academic top ten a lot. At university it's slightly more difficult, but insha Allah I'll manage. I am perfectly healthy (besides being quite a bit overweight), but there is no serious problems with my health. I have not had any major, life changing disaster happen to me (touch wood). So, what in the world do I have to complain about? What right do I have to be sad and depressed.

 

I should be happy, I should be but I'm not.

Here's a thought to end off with, if, for whatever reason, you need to leave home, pack a bag in the middle of the night, who would you go to? Whose house would you show up at? Who is that best friend that would open their door for you and take you in in the middle of the night? 

Do you have someone like that?